i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
