I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
