She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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