I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
