turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
