; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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