Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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