Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
