Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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