He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
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