i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
