this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
