oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
