im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
