i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
