I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
