I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
