So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
