Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
