Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
