I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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