Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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