Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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