Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
