you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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