OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
