I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
