Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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