oh god the rape fog is back!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
