glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
