Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
