sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
