Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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