my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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