Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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