just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize