the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
