Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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