The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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