porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
