1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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