i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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