Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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