They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
