you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
