I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
