see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
