I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone shit on the floor
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So many bounce houses so little time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
