when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pants are for mortals
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
