Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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