I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
