batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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