Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Randomize