Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
