You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
