It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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