but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
