i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
