Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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