1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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