Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
