State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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