im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
