so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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