I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
