I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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