I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
