Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
