Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
